Rose-majeeb replaced Able-Doolah as Adder after great eggspectations of Anoo-war in the previous year’s September Struggle failed to materialise.
Able-Doolah turned out not ‘able’, nor an Adder to ‘do’ much lah. One would cut him some slack though as undoubtedly his predecessor Mahasneer had handed him the ill-fated addership littered with booby traps aplenty. Not to mention how Mahasneer couldn’t desist from throwing political grenades at Doolah at every opportune turn. Doolah would do better to have been very afraid of Mahasneer.
With the old tyrant’s protégé Rose-majeeb now safely installed, Mahasneerism indeed made a triumphal comeback. One of Rose-majeeb’s first acts as Adder was to appoint Mahasneer’s son Murky-biz to the Poly-burrito, or council of leaders.
Rose-majeeb also snubbed Able-Doolah by sidelining Doolah’s son-in-law Khyi-ree. It’s worth mentioning however that Murky’s smooth and shiny pate won him favour with fashionable Oilwellian women who loved anything remotely eggy.
Although Murky’s egg-like dome was striking, he was otherwise nondescript in other respects. Oilwellians came to the conclusion that Rose-majeeb picked Murky because he was afraid of Mahasneer, and rightly so.
Ushering in neo-Mahasneerism
When Mahasneer was revived from suspended animation in 205 AD, side-effects from the cryogenics resulted in his unfortunate bouts of selective amnesia and verbal diarrhoea. He was forgetful to the extent that he failed to remember Oilwellian sentiments against the regime’s excesses as well as methods that bore his name. “What’s wrong with Mahasneerism???? he once asked quite innocently.
For the purpose of our story, it suffices to allude to just a single aspect of Mahasneerism – bare-faced denial.
Rose-majeeb assumed the addership on the lowest popularity ratings ever for any Adder and his accession courted objections from many quarters. Embattled as such, Rose-majeeb had no wish to expose himself to stabs in the back, learning a lesson from Mahasneer’s incessant and unremitting attacks on Able-doolah.
Therefore, Rose-majeeb took pains to appease the old man. BN newspapers The Comet and The Asteroid in double quick time revived Mahasneer’s pet idea of a Crooked Bridge (a multi-teleport space corridor) connecting neighbouring planet George to Oilwell. The latter paper even quoted a Big Ender bigshot saying the half-bridge was sure to be a landmark and Seventh Wonder of the Galaxy.
The newly-minted Adder had come into office shadowed by scandal. From his mentor the consummate Machiavelli, Rose-majeeb learned a few things. Therefore, it’s unsurprising he chose to adopt the Mahasneerist tactic of speaking out of both sides of the mouth; Rose-majeeb insisted he did NOT have lunch with that woman, Ms Al-Hantuya!
Al-Hantuya was a goodlooking Gongolian girl and a prodigy in the art of baking. She could bake the most superb tarts which, only to be expected, fetched a grand price in egg-mad Oilwell.
Her toasted body was discovered in a dFour oven. She had earlier been hit on the head with iron skillet. Two members of Rosemajib’s special cook force were found guilty of Al-Hantuya’s grisly murder because only the Adder’s kitchen had those dFour ovens – of such size as to be able to fit a cadaver.
The court soon sentenced ensigns c-Rool and Ozzy-lah to be boiled alive for killing Al-Hantuya.
Elementary, my dear Watson
Popular speculation went that the ensigns were just obeying orders. Why in the world would c-Rool and Ozzy-lah kill a visitor from another planet, someone they had never previously met, unless Al-Hantuya possessed knowledge of considerable value?
In actual fact, Al-Hantuya’s secret recipes were fit for kings. Her tarts were delightfully fine fare above the station of ordinary breadwinners like c-Rool and Ozzy-lah.
Their trial had been bizarre from start to finish. Neither the prosecutors nor the judge probed the question of how that command had come about to do away with Al-Hantuya. The case had a dreamlike quality similar to the Alice in Wonderland kangaroo court on ‘Who stole the tarts’.
’The Queen of Hearts she made some tarts all on a summer's day
The Knave of Hearts he stole the tarts and took them clean away
The King of Hearts called for the tarts and beat the Knave full sore
The Knave of Hearts brought back the tarts and vowed he'd steal no more’
The lack of apparent motive on the part of c-Rool and Ozzy-lah is most puzzling. If capital punishment – urgh, boiling alive is so gory, likewise corporal punishment which to be half-boiled – is carried out on the two, then Oilwell would thereafter never be able to lay Al-Hantuya’s ghost to rest as dead men tell no tales.
History repeats itself because people let it. Al-Hantuya was not Oilwell’s first farcical trial. Anoo-war’s conviction for Soto Mee (what can I say, the planet is food-obsessed) was another similar whitewashing. It was Mahasneer who successfully engineered that particular farce.
Can Rose-majeeb step into Mahasneer’s big shoes? It depends. The Majeeb half of this remarkable androgynous individual has been thus far unimpressive. The Rose half, on the other hand, commands some of Mahasneer’s fearsome aura. Let us wait and see if it is Rose-majeeb’s yin or yang that gets the upper hand.
Author’s note:
The importance of egg
Oilwell’s Egg Safety Assurance (ESA) ordinance made it a serious offence to smuggle egg, question the sanctity of egg or raise eggist sentiments. The ESA considers those who are not wholly enamoured of egg to be enemies of the state.
On Sept 16, 2008 this Chronicles published our story’s Episode 2 on how pro-consul Terry-Sar was ESA-ed for her crime against egg.
On Sept 24, The Sun reported: “The Seputeh Umno Youth division lodged a police report today against Seputeh MP Teresa Kok, claiming she had insulted the Royal Malaysian Police and the egg, which is an essential food of the underprivileged.???
Life imitating art?
