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Anil proposes, Chamil disposes

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Category: Helen Ang
Published: Monday, 17 November 2008 15:15
Posted by Helen Ang

Anil proposes, Chamil disposes


Helen Ang


Two seasoned journalists Anil Netto and Chamil Wariya tried their maiden hand at fiction with differing results.

 

Anil’s short story ‘Penang back to the future’ took me down memory lane. Its protagonist Ann had spent “a happy, carefree childhood playing on the streets with the children from the pre-war double-storey terrace houses along Bangkok Lane in Pulau Tikus???.

 

I think anyone who’s grown up in Penang would be able to identify with the nostalgia of “a simpler, less polluted, less congested era???. 

 

Bangkok Lane was where I grew up and the two rows of houses Anil mentioned still belong to my great-grandfather Cheah Leong Keah’s estate. I too hung out with the neighbours, a gaggle of girls around my age who would all walk to the pasar malam in nearby Gurney Drive to buy hairpins and earrings, and tuck into the night market’s Hokkien mee and leng chee kang.

 

Anil writes of the Bangkok Lane satay stall but, aaah, he omitted to add that it was the satay seller’s bread toasted with dripping that was to die for. The story’s central character, Ann, remembers the aunties living in the lane and other scenes of Ye Olde Penang that older Penangites will recall as well, such as the vegetable farms of Tanjong Tokong and the durian orchards of Balik Pulau.

 

Published in March 8: The Day Malaysia Woke Up, Anil’s cerpen appears in Part Two of the book under the section ‘Hope’; the compilation of essays and interviews in Part One is tagged ‘Change’.

 

The setting of ‘Penang back to the future’ comes 10 years after the watershed 2008 general election. Anil draws from our real-life political milieu, “Out went the politicians who abused their positions of power. Penangites instead voted for a new slate of untested candidates …??? and he projects onto a year-2018 scenario.

 

Electing to weave his wish list into futuristic imagination, Anil stands apart from most of the other book contributors who composed factual articles. His green policies see a return of trams, “buses doing a fabulous job???, cars barred from entering the city centre, and the Penang Turf Cluf land – the source of a ‘Patrick Badawi’ controversy – converted into a 260-acre People’s Park.

 

Penangites shedding their practice of littering, the island’s notorious drivers switching to bicycles, local councils conducting elections, ISA abolished and Aung San Suu Kyi becoming the Prime Minister of Myammar are among Anil’s hopeful proposals.

 

REAL ‘MAY 13’ UNTOLD

 

In the author description, Anil is credited as “a freelance journalist and blogger based in Penang with an interest in human rights, environmental, social justice and public accountability issues???. Readers familiar with Anil’s journalism would be aware that his foray into fiction similarly articulates these same things he cares about.

 

Another short story also derived from the current political scenario, but Chamil’s mean-spirited cerpen is far from life-affirming. Unlike Anil who proposes positive change, Chamil in his character assassination story disposes of a life.

 

‘Politik Baru YB J’ was published in the Utusan Malaysia newspaper and has had its share of detractors and defenders. MP Teresa Kok is suing the author, alleging the story’s protagonist is modelled after herself. Chamil was granted an English language platform in The Nut Graph to retort that “YB Josephine was a made-up character that has no resemblance at all to the Seputeh Member of Parliament???.

 

Josephine is mischievously portrayed as “anti-Islam, anti-Melayu???, and the description of her is someone who “mahu menghapuskan tulisan jawi dan ganti dengan tulisan Cina??? (destroy the Jawi script to be replaced by Chinese writing).

 

Interestingly enough, Chamil’s cerpen makes a note of the March 8 book, in addition to a clutch of other distinguishing facts which mark out the ‘Teresa-world’ of his plot. Details contained in the cerpen are revealing of the essayist’s mindset but not historical accuracy. On the May 13 episode, Chamil wrote “selepas pilihan raya umum pada 10 Mei itu, orang Cina dan Melayu berbunuh-bunuhan??? (following the May 10 general election, Chinese and Malays were killing each other).

 

As we know, it was the Chinese who suffered the heavy death toll and casualties, indicating in which direction the slaughter took place. Or to adopt a postmortem perspective, May 13 is a spectre employed to instil fear in the Chinese community whereas no rabble-rousing politician wields the fateful date to scare Malays. 

 

Even if we’re charitable enough to preclude intimidation and defamation of Teresa, the context in which ‘Politik Baru YB J’ was put across to readers still constitutes harassment of a people’s representative, one who had only just earlier been ISA-ed and received death threats.

 

Utusan is a populist vernacular newspaper carrying out a sustained campaign of vilification against the said MP. The newspaper’s vendetta extends to ‘poetic licence’ name-calling her ‘Ratu Anjing’. This is in addition to its news reports and negative op-eds catering to the lowest common denominator and inciting hate..


And as a woman, I can sympathise when Teresa complained that the newspaper deliberately splashed the most unflattering photographs frontpage to make her look as ugly as possible (when she actually has a feminine demeanour).

 

STANDING ON SIDE OF POWER

 

Aside from his insistence of “no resemblance at all???, Chamil claimed: “The cerpen is also a reminder to politicians not to incite communal sentiments in the name of politics,??? and adding, "I must stress what was murdered in the cerpen was not a politician per se, but extreme ideas …???

 

Among the many public rebuttals to Chamil’s thin assertions, one by journalist-playwright Kee Thuan Chye, said: “Why not, for example, write one [cerpen] based on the famous instance when Hishammuddin Hussein wielded the keris????

 

On that bit about metaphorically “murdering extreme ideas???, Kee’s rejoinder was: “Why doesn't Chamil go for the obvious case and write about Umno politicians who have been playing the racial card for the last how many decades????

 

What struck me though was Kee’s charge that ‘YB J’ was written on the side of power. Chamil is a Datuk and CEO of the Malaysian Press Institute; his bare-faced statement – “While certain quarters take offence at the storyline and make issues out of it, the majority who read the cerpen take it positively and rationally??? – is typical ‘take-my-word-for-it’ speechifying from the side of power.

 

Some old habits die hard too. One instance is traditional media passing itself off as ‘New’ but nonetheless still writing for the side of power and like a stenographer, conscientiously transcribing the excuses from Who’s-he-kidding-Chamil.


As there was a lack of input on the cerpen coming from Teresa’s camp published in The Nut Graph to balance Chamil, I’m reminded of MalaysiaVotes (Nut Graph’s name before its rebranding) earlier this year giving 3,000-plus kind words to Khairy Jamaluddin in contrast to a 400-word write-up on KJ’s opponent in the Rembau election contest.

 

Words, be they in fiction, in news reports or in blogs, give shape to ideas. In recent years, stale notions have been slowly, painfully reevaluated. But change has to be in tandem with new approaches … hope springs eternal.


Note: Kee Thuan Chye, Azmi Sharom, Helen Ang, Animah Kosai and Chacko Vadaketh will be at Silverfish Books in Bangsar, KL on Sat (Nov 22, 5.30 pm) for readings of ‘March 8: The Day Malaysia Woke Up’. Helen will be reading excerpts from the chapter ‘Enough of the NEP’.


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BN bully and beggar’s beef

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Category: Helen Ang
Published: Wednesday, 22 October 2008 13:40
Posted by Helen Ang

By Helen Ang

The accusation ‘Umno bully’ saw both sides dancing with shadows, one defending and the other denying the charge.

Just-retired MCA chief Ong Ka Ting made the allegation by invoking perception. Ong said in his keynote address on Saturday that many people perceive power-sharing by BN to be neither effective nor fair, and Umno seen as dominant. He said the power-sharing is only seen as lip service and pleaded to the Prime Minister that it should not be viewed as though Umno alone determines policies.

It’s reflective of MCA that Ong can’t even talk straight at his own party’s recent general assembly but instead resorted to words like ‘perceive’, ‘seen as’ and ‘viewed as though’.

It’s also reflective of BN that the coalition chairman Abdullah Ahmad Badawi categorically denied Umno is a bully. Abdullah told MCA members not to believe Ong was a weak leader easily bullied. Cabinet discussed issues in a cordial, co-operative and constructive manner, Abdullah said.

Umno says, MCA obeys; and the latter being told one thing and actually experiencing another has led to a party that can’t think straight. Its Youth wing called for the creation of a second BN deputy chairman post and MCA to be given this chair. There’s even talk of ‘MCA deputy PM’.

Sunday Star reported Abdullah as saying, “There is no such thing as bully but we are all friends??? and that “he had also given in to Ong’s appeal for MCA’s quota in the Cabinet to be retained despite its losses in the general election.???

Two questions: (1) Is MCA’s preoccupation with Cabinet crumbs to the benefit of party leaders, or the community they claim to represent? (2) Do you think that even if the MCA president was job-titled – say, ‘Great Grand Vizier’ – instead of Housing Minister, he would have been less impotent in the BN set-up?

What a joke to make demands when Umno’s pole position in the BN pecking order is consolidated, not diminished by the March 8 results. And incredulous how MCA delegates have yet to comprehend that while their party was set back, Umno had a good run. Whereas the Chinese vote swing against BN was about 30%, Malay swing was only some 5%. So not only does Umno remain the biggest single bloc by far in Parliament with 79 seats, it’s holding the Malay ground.

 

BN way or the (ouch, tolled) highway

 

In my previous article ‘The Hundraf of Umno’s making’, I presented other facets to the statistics cited by Syed Hamid Albar. However, to show up the selectivity of the Home Minister in pitting Malay against Indian, I had most unfortunately to talk his lingo and play at his game. And the name of the BN game is unchangingly Race and Religion.

The BN methodology of ‘proper channels’ and ‘consensus’ made a mockery of MCA and Gerakan. The ‘dacing' racialism should be shredded, just like state papers were after Selangor Menteri Besar Mohd Khir Toyo’s fall. The BN rainbow coalition has failed to convince us how politicians sharing our skin colour have our best interests at heart.

Pakatan Rakyat’s Khalid Ibrahim is one heartening example of progressive leadership. The present Selangor Menteri Besar has been supportive of dismantling NEP and suggested opening UiTM to non-Malays; Khalid is pushing the envelope where we’ve previously heard mousy squeaks from MCA.

Responding to the Conference of Rulers’ Oct 16 statement on safeguarding Malay special position, he said Malaysians could continue to speak out on the execution of policies in regard to the social contract. “This (reminder) does not restrict or stop the people from speaking out and commenting in terms of its execution but it is best if the people can respect the culture and etiquette of one another,??? he was quoted as saying.

Respect for social justice is a good alternative approach rather than the ‘social contract’ that’s being bandied about. Economic catch-up, in nature preferential for Malays, can be defended if the other side of the barter – political rights for Chinese and Indians – is adhered to.

 

Umno’s poisoned chalice

 

Hundraf has arisen as an equal and opposite reaction to Umno’s actions – a party which does not embody the budi bahasa of the Malay.

The present injection of testosterone into Gerakan and MCA – following the confession by former Gerakan president Lim Keng Yaik that Umno satellites are like ‘beggars’ in the BN, and now the admission of ‘bullying’ by Ong – would be hilarious if not for the rank hypocrisy so long an ingredient of the BN infantile formula.

As the two (i.e. Chinese and Chinese-dominated) parties now attempt to be men and not mice, it falls to Gerakan Wanita chief Tan Lian Hoe to call the Malay ‘immigrants’.

What’s her purpose? After all, her party accepts the sovereignty of the Malay rulers, the status of Malay as national language and other aspects of Malay overlordship. Questioning Malay indigenity to score political points is not only pointless, it’s unproductive.

The minorities’ beef is with Umno, not with the Malay race, and bully to which Malay pocket all the money has gone.

If you agree with me that the BN infant formula is a tainted milk product, then you can grasp how the ruling elites are a poison to race relations. I have one word for MCA – melamine.  

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Hindraf demonised: Polishing the devil’s horns

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Category: Helen Ang
Published: Saturday, 11 October 2008 11:29
Posted by Helen Ang
By Helen Ang

An alert should go out to embassies in Kuala Lumpur cautioning foreign nationals. The updated travel advisory:

(1) Open houses in Malaysia are possibly illegal,
(2) If a tourist should saunter into the premises, he may be guilty of trespassing,
(3) A tour group could be banned by Malaysian authorities for unbecoming behaviour, such as all its members wearing uniform attire,
(4) Cops on duty at open houses will confiscate a greeting card and such other contraband, as well as
(5) Summon to police headquarters for questioning if someone attended open house but rejected refreshments, did not shake hands with the VIP host and failed to extend festive wishes.

Meanwhile, locals are expected to behave in exchange for free lunch at the Putra World Trade Centre. The Star reported Tourism Minister Azalina Othman warning that some Malaysians at open houses give a poor reflection of the country’s image to tourists. “If you are here as a guest, then behave as one. Parliament will convene on Oct 13. They can do so (submit their memorandum) then,??? she said.

Azalina was referring to Hindraf supporters but Hindraf legal advisor N. Surendran has countered there was no memorandum delivered. Memo or no, Prime Minister Abdullah Ahmad Badawi, his deputy Najib Razak and Home Minister Syed Hamid Albar still complained the Indians were ‘kurang ajar’ (untutored), ‘biadab’ (unmannered) and ‘tak beradab’ (uncivilised).

The badmouthing is a clear example of one group, Umnoputeras, demonising another group of fellow citizens. Visitors should also be aware that they cannot believe all they read in Tourism Malaysia brochures about the country’s ‘racial harmony’, and in the mainstream media (MSM) about BN’s successful formula of ‘national unity’.

Yes sir, Umno sir

Deputy Home Minister Wan Ahmad Farid Wan Salleh has intimated that there are many options on action against Hindraf for causing – I’m borrowing the following description from the Star’s headline – a ‘commotion at the government’s Raya open house’, and otherwise being ‘aggressive’, ‘unruly’, ‘provocative’ etc, etc, as alleged by some Malay associations. Home Ministry secretary-general Abdul Aziz Mohd Yusof is looking into banning Hindraf. Information Minister Ahmad Shabery Cheek called on all political parties to condemn the incident.

What did Hindraf do that was so bad to make Umno big shots so angry?

A six-year-old girl wished to give the PM a teddy bear and Raya card. She is the daughter of Hindraf chairman P. Waythamoorthy and brought the bear in a basket along with some flowers. She had wanted to give roses too last year to Abdullah, who refused to receive her on Valentine’s Day.

This is a little girl who has been separated from daddy for almost one year now as Moorthy is likely to be ISA-ed if he ventures to step foot on Malaysian soil. This is the small child who must be wondering whatever her Uncle Kumar did wrong that caused the authorities to lock him up, under ISA.

And this is the gist of Abdullah’s complaint: “The rest (of their words), which I heard very clearly, was, ‘Abolish the ISA! Free the Hindraf! Abolish the ISA! Free the Hindraf!’ That’s all they wanted to tell me. This is not the spirit of Hari Raya, where you wish (Selamat) Hari Raya, are happy and have fun and socialise.???

How does an unwelcome guest answer when quizzed by police on why he fails to socialise and display the requisite joyfulness at the PM’s party? Lawyer Haris Ibrahim who blogs ‘The People’s Parliament’ wrote that he and his Hartal ISA group (wearing solidarity-with-RPK T-shirts) were ushered by police to a holding room and segregated.

People’s Parliament last November launched a ‘Hartal MSM’ campaign in the wake of newspapers disinforming on Bersih and demonising Hindraf. MSM has not changed its slant against the Indians. The Star article on the alleged commotion during Raya carried the byline of four reporters. If a whole quartet covered the story, surely one of them could have obtained Hindraf’s clarification that the movement did not present any memo. But no.

Instead, the popular rag – which incongruously dubs itself ‘the People’s Paper – preferred to give airing to VIPs as per its usual practice of cue journalism. The Star report had quoted Azalina and also Unity, Culture, Arts and Heritage Minister Mohd Shafie Apdal admonishing, “Hindraf members should have known their limits and not turn up at an open house ‘like this’.???

Star’s article had Shafie going: “There are platforms for you to make your submission. This is not the proper way of doing things. I mean, it’s a Raya do. Today is Hari Raya, it’s got nothing to do with memorandums.???

The spirit of Raya

The Star, a publication under the control of MCA, is big on ‘the proper way of doing things’. It has been full of how the Chinese communal party always used ‘proper channels’ and engaged in ‘internal discussions’ with BN (though not quite admitting that the outcome of any discussion is MCA invariably kowtowing to Umno).

But not only did that particular Star article omit Hindraf’s clarification that there was no memo, it also failed to mention that Indians throughout the past year had made many attempts to convey the community’s grievances to the powers-that-be and were ignored. So the ‘the proper way of doing things’ gets nothing done.

The paper similarly neglected to publish that unlike MCA Cabinet ministers who engage in closed door sessions where they ultimately accede to ‘the BN consensus’ (read, again kowtowing to Umno) Hindraf pleaded they had no other opportunities to approach the PM except at the open house.

BN’s idea of propriety and legality is ‘do as I say, not do as I do’. Abdullah, who often preaches Hadhari, sermonised on religious tolerance around Merdeka last year when at the same time, Hindu temples were tumbling down around him. His big ears did not hear government bulldozers destroying the houses of worship.

To the PM, the spirit of Raya is that everyone must be happy, have fun and socialise, unlike the Hindraf crowd creating “a lot of unhappiness to a lot of people who were around??? at his PWTC, possibly illegal, gathering.

Since I’m not Muslim, it’s hardly in my place to contradict the Grand Imam of Hadhari. I’ll just note that when I balik kampung to Penang, I saw many billboards put up by the Pakatan state government bearing its Ramadan message of ‘Amar makruf, nahi mungkar’ (Do good, abhor evil and sin).

Does amar makruf not accommodate compassion for a discriminated community, and courtesy to women and children who were in the Hindraf delegation?

Umno and its collaborators instigating Malays to view Hindraf as bogeyman threatening Malay rights is amar makruf? Malaysiakini reported Surendran as saying Hindraf has become the victim of a harsh campaign to incite hatred against the movement and Indians.

Moorthy and many others in Hindraf agree, and have filed police reports but may have to wait for investigations to be completed first on insulting (Case 1) egg and (Case 2) PWTC food which the bloggers and Hindraf refused to touch.

We’ve often lamented ‘between the devil and the deep blue sea’ to signify BN, the devil we know, and the uncharted waters of the Opposition. A few months ago, Justice Ian Chin described Dr Mahathir Mohamed as “a devil incarnate??? and Dr M hitting back at the judge, gestured with his hands at a pair on imaginary horns on his head.

Although the Malay word ‘ampu bodek’ has infinitely more oomph, the English translation ‘polishing apples’ largely characterises MSM coverage of domestic politics and BN politicians, First Families and their in-laws. But a metaphor of polishing the devil’s horns is a more apt on the nature of our mass media’s collusion with the establishment in demonising Hindraf.

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The Hundraf of Umno’s making

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Category: Helen Ang
Published: Sunday, 19 October 2008 10:48
Posted by Helen Ang
By Helen Ang

There is no typing error above; I did spell ‘Hundraf’ for Human Rights Action Force. Hundraf is the twin spirit of Makkal Sakthi, an expression translated as People Power, not Indian Power.

Home Minister Syed Hamid Albar is reported by Bernama as saying the Indians are not neglected in Malaysia. What he implied is that Indians have little cause for complaint and thus the complaining Hindraf have no basis for their struggle.

Read more: The Hundraf of Umno’s making

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Great eggpectations

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Category: Helen Ang
Published: Tuesday, 16 September 2008 09:35
Posted by Helen Ang
Great eggpectations

Standfirst: The Supremacists put all their eggs in one basket but the outmoded eggist ideology of Mahasneerism was rejected as Oilwellians have wised up.

Helen Ang

Our story of planet Oilwell continues from last week.

Flashback: To thwart Anoo-war's takeover bid, the Able-doolah administration hatched a half-boiled plot to sequester 40 pro-consuls in a faraway galaxy.

An old Oilwellian saying goes: 'The greater distance an intergalactic trip, the more likely a spaceship will run out of fuel.' This folk wisdom was evidently conceived before the invention of FTL hyper-drive but nonetheless retained its meaning, in that when leaders stretch the people's credulity too far, their fanciful flights of imagination would soon be consigned to a black hole.

While the pro-consul group studied (but didn't learn) agriculture in the Dai-One sector, it was business as usual back in Oilwell with two Oppositionists arrested under the Egg Safety Assurance ordinance, or ESA.

The ESA was dual-purpose in preserving the planet from threats to its security, peace and public order. Interestingly enough, in its duality, ESA was both a punitive piece of legislation and a protective custody law. Oilwellians whose lives the authorities wanted to safeguard were taken in under ESA so that police could babysit them in the lock-up.

As for the criminal acts falling under the ambit of ESA, it was up to the Homeland Guardian to decide what or who constituted enemies of the state. It could be egg smugglers, those who raised eggist sentiments or questioned the sanctity of egg. As egg was the object of utmost veneration, it was held to be beyond criticism. However, an Oilwellian can safely say anything seditious he likes of carrot, turnip or radish.

It was for crimes against egg that police arrested senior pro-consul Terry-sar and boggler Arpeekay in September, 208 AD. Bogglers were a band of merry men who mind-boggled the general public by challenging the propaganda put out by the state. Arpeekay was Oilwell's best known and most popular boggler; because of him, the authorities banned Internet on the planet.

Meanwhile, Anoo-war denounced Terry-sar's arrest, saying the accusations against her were false and malicious. Greater numbers of Oilwellians were beginning to believe that the ESA was a much abused law caught in a time warp.

"No more ESA! No more ESA!' they demanded.


On their last legs

The ESA arrests indicated a regime on its last eggs, and how the Adder was fast losing his grip, if not the plot altogether. Oilwellians were simply left bewildered by the wild swings of the planet's political yo-yo.

Anyone who has resided long enough in Oilwell soon got used to its bipolarity. It was not only the ESA which featured split functions but the political lingo as well. For instance, when Adder Able-doolah said one thing, Oilwellians typically interpreted his words in the opposite. If he announced that egg had registered a bumper ding of a crop, his listeners would understand the harvest had actually donged.

Reading newspapers like The Comet and The Asteroid which were written in Doublespeak conditioned Oilwellians to antonymic reflexes. If Able-doolah asserted a flip, Oilwellians through long experience expected a flop. Their constant need to display antipodal reactions to reality increasingly led Oilwellians to mentally short-circuit, unable to think straight any longer.

Thinking straight during the tenure of Mahasneer, Able-doolah's predecessor, was never en vogue as the former Adder through leadership by example had famously conceived of a Crooked Bridge, and a half one at that (which reflected the winding disconnect of his thought processes).

After 122 years of pervasive Mahasneerism, the planet ultimately found itself at a crucial crossroads where it could plunge deeper into the eggist ideology ' which was actively percolating even in 208 AD ' or pull itself from the brink.

To Mahasneer, ESA was for Oilwell own good and he used it in liberal doses. Able-doolah was just too lax. What?! Two arrests only? Mahasneer loyalists could think of at least a hundred more Oilwellians who deserved ESA.

The man himself, reminiscing on those he had rounded up some two decades before, was sorely disappointed in Able-doolah's wishy-washiness. Compared to the present pathetic catch of two, Mahasneer was certain he could double his previous haul of 106 ESA detainees to 212 this time around ... if he was still Adder.

The ex-Adder contemplated making a comeback as power behind the throne, confident of doing a more efficient job of subjugating the recalcitrant planet than the younger Able-doolah. Age was no barrier as Mahasneer's longevity would once again be artificially enhanced by cryogenics. Or he considered paying a visit to Rem-bough for a dip in its famed Fountain of Youth (the electoral roll of the day recorded that many a Rem-bough resident lived to be late centenarians).


Egg on the face


Historians looking back on Oilwell's September Struggle noted that the equinox marked a milestone where the race for Addership was for the first time thrown wide open.

Contenders for Adder were prepared to do whatever it takes in the do-or-die battle as losing was not an option. The fate that befell Mahasneer's compatriots such as Comrade Mar-koz and Komrad Soohar-toe was a salutary lesson. Many senior Poly-burrito elders were mortally afraid of getting their 'licences revoked'.

Ramifications for those who had tied their political fortunes to the Adders past and present, and the several Adders-in-waiting, shivered their eggcups worrying over the possible outcomes of September equinox.

Eggists like Big Ender prefect Ahr-Mard went on a planet-wide roadshow to raise political temperatures. Attempts to whip up eggism were a manifestation of the disintegrating power centre putting all their eggs in one basket ' that of Egg Supremacy.

The Egg Supremacist credo was embodied in the spirit of the Big Ender ecckeris. The ecckeris was a sharp, wavy kitchen utensil and anyone executing the gravity-defying feat of balancing an egg at its pointed end was immediately awarded the title of 'Honorable Grandfather' and a generous remuneration.

Obviously, such a precarious stunt as balancing egg on ecckeris tip resulted in a lot of broken eggshells and splattered mess on the kitchen floor. In the despondency of crisis, Oilwellians were minded to ponder on the colossal waste of egg frittered away in the pointless pursuit of Egg Supremacy.

They mulled over more rewarding use of egg; to bake bigger economic pies where everyone could have a decent slice instead of scrambling for the crumbs off the ruling elites' table. The casual way in which the callous 'Let them eat cake' was tossed by the haves at long last stung the have-nots.

Light finally dawned on the downtrodden populace that they could show their respect for egg in a far, far better way than blindly following Mahasneerism. By 240 AD, the last vestiges of the Mahasneerist legacy were debunked and the tyrant Mahasneer ultimately remembered in the Annals of Oilwell in the same vein as his good friend Moo-gabby (but that's another tyrant for another bedtime story).

And what about Able-doolah? Alas, he was a mere footnote in history.

However, his son-in-law Khyi-ree, who was once Rem-bough pro-consul, left his name for posterity as Oilwell's most successful entrepreneur. Water bottled from Rem-bough's Fountain of Youth found galaxies of satisfied customers who swore the elixir was more efficacious than Botox. His Rem-baugh Sirop business empire made Khyi-ree a trillionaire by age 35 ? But there's another Oilwellian saying for happy endings: 'The rude die young'.
 
Note: The writer's maiden attempt at satire in Bahasa Malaysia can be read at '10 dalil kenapa Tun Mahathir wajib diletakkan di Seri Penanti'.
 

 
Part 1 of this story appeared as 'Anoo-war and our eggciting times'.
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