As a ‘non’ – non-Malay, non-Muslim, non-‘son of the soil’, I often ask myself why I am cast to one side of a hierarchical dualistic world.

To be born a ‘non’ is to be condemned to seek freedom from the chains of. To self-reliant and adopt adult self-responsibility from an early age. To be a ‘non’, you have no choice but to be resilient or you will despair. And not all ‘nons’ are lucky. Many fall through life without the social safety net.

Some seek to overcome the structural racism by changing the social conditions to which they are subjected. Therefore, they emigrate to alter their social category of second-class citizen.

Ponder on this analogy of ‘non’. Both durians and mangosteens are fruits but when mangosteen is called ‘non-durian’ yet durian is not called ‘non-mangosteen’, there must be something strange about such categorisation. Is the durian ‘racist’ then?

I am puzzled why the framers of the federal constitution and the bureaucrats are so sure in categorizing Malaysian citizens.

To me, you can’t really label some ethnic groups as ‘non’ unless you understand their culture deeply, so deep that it touches the roots of your very own culture. Then, at that moment of encounter between equals, a universalist culture, and a great nation shall be born because you then would have understood what it means to be human. You can’t really be fully human when you de-personalise the other.

All human births are a matter of probability. It is not my fault to be born a Chinese. I didn’t choose it. Nor did I chose to be born Malaysian. It feels a bit awkward that I need to justify my existence as a Chinese and even more odd when implicit is the excuse “It is not my fault???.

Everywhere I go I am reminded that I am a ‘non’. ‘Non’ means ‘not’, i.e. not in this or that social category – the categories of race or religion. Though ‘non’ is just a tiny little word, it decides what shape of the political system and what distribution of the national resources would be.

It, in fact, decides where you stand practically in all spheres of life – public behaviour, law whether secular or syariah, freedoms, economic progress, etc. It decides to a great extent, for example, for the ‘non’ what is the cultural memory of their traditions they should forget or retain. In short, what it means to be human.

Power relation between definer and ‘non’

Sometimes, the non-Muslims are not fully aware of the implications of converting to Islam. Once converted, you don’t own your body anymore.

Should you change your mind due to one reason or another, if deep inside in your heart, you want to die as a Buddhist or as a Hindu and leave Islam, you are not allowed to choose freely your heavenly realm. The power to define the ‘non’ stretches even to life after death. Some Islamic authorities own your body.

This little word ‘non’ also reflects the power of abstraction to define not only who you are, but where you are. It is more than a statistical tool. It is being used as a political tool for population removal from one space to another, for example the removal of non-Malays from the civil service and government jobs.

Hence, the power to define should not be underestimated.

The relationship between X (durian) and the non-X (non-durian) is more than an interpersonal or inter-group relationship. It is a power relation, an asymmetrical relation.

The mangosteen is spoken of, and spoken to by the durian. The durian speaks to mangosteen, not the other way round. The apple, orange, pear dan lain-lain are defined by the durian.

The locus of power to define in either the most abstract or the comprehensive way lies with the king of fruits. Durian defines where mangosteen is to belong.

Who do we the ‘nons’ want to be? And will X let the non-X be themselves? The social category of X and non-X imposing ethnic identities provides fertile ground for racial colonisation, unabashed greed and unrestrained brutality. But, it does really define you as a whole?

Reality is more complex than the dichotomous categorisation. The assumption of the framers of such ethnic dichotomy is seriously flawed. The real world is a web of interconnectedness. The linear thinking of durian to non-durian is too shallow to account for the living world. No amount of religious or racial mantra can uplift its inherent superficialities.

In reality, durian shapes non-durian just as much mangosteen shapes – dare we say it? – the non-mangosteen. Structural forces are not deterministic as we can construct our social identities through language and social practices.

Where is my home?

Social categorisation nonetheless still carries the power to trigger racial prejudice, discrimination and bigotry. We need to look closely and pinpoint the right place from whence the prejudice comes.

Racism causes alienation, social exclusion and non-belongingness. Where is one’s home in a racially compartmentalised world? Home is not a physical location. Well, or at least it is more than just a place.

In the old days, space and place were synonymous or coincided. However, modernity with modern communication and transport has torn geographical space from place.

Home becomes a social space, an interpersonal space, space of the inter-group. You still can experience ‘the Other’ despite the distance. Spatiality, though an important element, by itself does not define what is home.

Wherever we find ‘at-homeness’, we find meaning. In this sense, we can say meaning is the home.

What is the meaning of home to a ‘non’? The humiliation that a ‘non’ has to go through to apply for scholarship or working in a government department is all too familiar, aside from the frequency of racial slurs of ‘pendatang’.

So where is my home? It does not reside in my skin or determined by my skin colour. Skin has no consciousness yet strangely, a value system is built by certain societies based on that thin, outer layer of human cells.

Can we look at it another way instead? If, in the experiencing of the other, we experience meaningfulness, then we experience belongingness embedded in meaning – in mutuality of care, in a genuine sense of community.

Meaning is the home. Meaning does not reside in the physical locality but the social space.

Wherever you find meaning, you find home. I am a human being born with a Chinese skin. I am not a non-Malay. Meaning – not the skin nor the soil – is my home.